OK, this is not going to be high-brow. Yesterday, Cue and I went to a stand-up comedy show in Bangalore. I didn’t have high expectations, because all of the stand-up comedy shows I have been to so far (mostly in the US) have been completely underwhelming. But yesterday, I saw – LIVE – the ONE AND ONLY – Comedian Praveen! After spending about half an hour laughing non-stop, so much so that I’m writing this in bed with a sore throat, I’m now Comedian Praveen’s biggest fan.
We walked in late, and saw the guy opening for Praveen – I forget his name, but I think it was Ahmed something. He was only ok, though he had a few good lines. (I liked the one about Albus Dumbledore being a Taleban – beard? check. tunic? check. headgear? check. believes in magic? check. hates women? check. Even his name sounds like Taleban – Al Qaeda, Al Fateh, Al Bus Dumbledore.) At best, he was a foil for the headliner of the evening, Comedian Praveen.
Comedian Praveen has an incredibly thick Tamil accent. And in a remarkably well-constructed act, he managed to get in a joke about almost everything and everyone.
Like Rajinikanth – “The whole movie Anaconda was shot in Rajinikanth’s pants.”
Tamil people – “Our strength is that we can learn anything. Learn Rocket science? Sure, easy. Learn Java? Piece of cake. Learn Hindi? Um – wait, what?”
Facebook – “I posted about a dog that bit me and tore off a huge part of my thigh, and next thing I know, it has 26 likes?!”
Or “I went in to Facebook and posted two dots – ‘..’ – and someone commends underneath, ‘Me too’.”
His gossipy neighbors – “They know that someone’s pregnant even before the person herself. I heard one woman tell another woman, ‘Did you know? Priya is 4 months pregnant!’ and the other woman says, ‘Yeah, I knew that six months back.'”
His fights with his wife – “Whenever I fight with my wife, I don’t stop till she is on her knees in front of me. Yes, really. I make sure that she kneels in front of me, looks at me, and says, ‘Praveen, if you are a man, come out from under that cot and face me.'”
His wife’s reaction to his comedy act – “My wife blames my stand-up routine for everything that happens at home. Baby puked? It’s because you do stand-up. Servant didn’t come? Because you do stand-up. Toilet seat up? Because you do — I said, no, if the toilet seat is up, it’s not because I do stand-up, it’s because I stand up and do.”
His neighbor whom he caught reading about bomb-making on the internet – “He was reading about how to make atom bombs and nuclear bombs, and there was a link that said Click here to know more. He clicked there, and he is no more.”
IPL – “How many of you here are IPL fans?” — silence from the audience — “I see. No balls.”
His well-endowed paunch – “Lots of people are going around claiming they are size zero. I am shape zero.”
Kareena Kapoor – “She started this whole size zero trend. She has flat in Bandra, flat in Delhi, flat in chest. And Sonam Kapoor – she is thinner than her father’s chest hair.”
Bollywood – “You can make a reality show with Salman Khan, Shahrukh Khan and Karan Johar. Then you can call it ‘Two and a Half Men’.”
His alma mater – “I studied at BITS, Pilani. We are all very proud of our college. More than anything else, we are proud that it was built by the Birlas and not the Tatas.”
And ended with – “I know people who get divorced when they return from their honeymoon, so before I married my wife, I asked her, ‘Darling, I only want to ask you – do you really love the little things in life?'”
If you have a chance to watch Comedian Praveen, don’t miss it! He’s around and about in Bangalore, and his website is comedianpraveen.com